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Man Flu

posted 19 May 2015, 13:48 by Mike Madden
Never believe everything that you read in the press, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story. The weekend contained two noteworthy incidents, both related to non attendance. Firstly, Peter Crowley cried off with a cold. It was a somewhat melodramatic statement of his condition that caused a stir, but if he decided he could not play because he had a cold, then that is his decision. He did not claim to have man flu, pneumonia, or any other major ailment, it was a simple common cold. He has, in many circles, been criticised for this lack of commitment to the cause, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone. It is but a week since various members of the first team could not play as they had been on a stag do. Another first teamer was mowing the lawn (or haymaking, as he chose to call it), and there have been instances of shopping, fishing, football matches (both playing and watching), tug of war, and Saturday jobs that have removed people from selection. A cold may just be a cold, but if that is what keeps you in bed all day, then so be it! Secondly, there was Luke Schofield. Luke was rudely awakened by his skipper at 1.25 for a 1.30 start at Hawk Green. He eventually turned up 50 minutes late for the crucial game and had the wicketkeeping duties quite rightly taken off him. Having turned up at 2.20 you might have thought that he would make an effort at the other end of the day, but no. As the bell tolled for 5.30 he left the ground, having already achieved yet another duck, and leaving his team mates to fall agonisingly short. Would he feel the sharp blade of the selection committee's axe? Obviously not. Last weekend we gave six of our very promising under 14s their second team debut, and it looks like this weekend they will all get their second game. Holidays, work commitments and a wedding are just some of the reasons why the first team is as 'inexperienced' as we have ever put out, so maybe a cold is not such a bad excuse after all! And by the way, I have it on good authority that Luke apologised (for his late arrival, not his batting).

So the seconds lost back to back against Chapel and Charlesworth, but with just myself, Fid, Nige Morten and the redoubtable Michael Glover as the seniors on Sunday it was no great surprise. The two games gave some valuable experience to our Under 14s, and produced a remarkable bowling performance from the aforementioned cult hero Mr Glover. Brought on with the opposition needing just three to win, he proceeded to bowl three consecutive wides to finish with the remarkable figures of 0 overs, 0 maidens, 0 wickets, 3 runs. The statisticians were left scratching their heads, wondering if such a feat has ever been achieved before. The rest of us were just left scratching our heads. And laughing.

This week we travel to Charlesworth for the third time in four weeks. and it is rumoured that the magnificent teas provided by our opposition are something of a lure for second team players. I can quite categorically state that this is not true, as evidenced by the fact that Gibbo is unavailable.

When Ivan opens his mouth it often invokes a cringe, and sometimes a few stern words. On Saturday, he certainly pushed the boundaries of good taste (literally) as we discussed why sharks bite but don't eat humans. The theory is that we don't taste very good, and they don't have arms. This lack of limbs means that they investigate with that razor sharp teeth filled mouth, and we are always going to come off second best in an encounter like that. Ivan, however, took it further. Apparently we taste very salty, and that is why sharks don't eat humans. He then revealed that he would actually like to try eating human. He wouldn't want to do the slaughtering, but he wouldn't mind a taste. You have been warned.

For those who might have missed it, Reuben Cutts is now providing highly entertaining match reports on the trials and tribulations of the Under 15s. In week one they were sharks, and in week two they were wildebeest. What will they be next week? No one knows, but Reuben's contributions are definitely good gnus all round.
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